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 Can Parents teach their children?
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By: dolphin (offline)  Monday, April 14 2008 @ 02:30 AM CDT (Read 1989 times)  
dolphin

Last evening, I shouted at my son again when he wrote a nine that looked like zero while going through some Maths questions. In a moment of insanity, I simply lost my mind and lashed out at him.
It’s cruel and I regretted my action. The bottled up frustrations got the better of me at that prevailing moment. Almost every weekend, I endure his excuses of not going for his swimming lessons. I’ve also failed miserably to get him to improve his handwritings.
Is it too much to expect a young boy to follow your instruction, even if it is done with good intention? Why can’t I control my temper better? I do realise that the ones I shouted at are the ones that are usually closest to me.
Can parents teach their kids? If it is handled well, it’ll improve bonding and relationships. If, mishandled, the outcome may be negative.
I wish to invite sharing from fellow members on their experience with helping out in their children’s’ schoolwork. What are their ways in managing anger?

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By: JeffreyO (offline)  Wednesday, April 16 2008 @ 02:05 AM CDT  
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Found one method called Time Out which could be useful in this case. Time Out can be a valuable tool in disciplining a child.

As we go about the business of teaching our children proper behavior, there are times when emotions threaten to get out of control. When this happens, it's wise to separate yourself from your child so that you can both cool off. Time Out can be used as an effective, positive tool. There are three different ways to use Time Out, each having a different purpose.

1. To give the child time and space to cool off and calm down.
The key here is in the attitude of the parent. In advance, let your child know that when her behavior is out of control she'll be asked to go to her room. Tell her that when she is calm and under control she may join the family. How she chooses to use the time is her business, as long as it's respectful of people and property. Screaming or pounding on the door is not acceptable, but reading a book or other activities are fine. This is a valuable life skill that will prevent your child from flying off the handle and saying and doing things she might regret later.

Never drag a child to his Time Out. This robs you of the upper hand and makes you look foolish. Let him know in advance that when asked to remove himself he needs to do so immediately. If he does not, he'll be choosing to give up a privilege (one you have specified in advance), in addition to Time Out.

2. To give the parent time and space to cool off and calm down.
There are times when we get so angry at our children that we want to scream, hit, or ground them for life! This is the time to use a four-letter-word: E X I T. Make a brief statement, I'm so angry, I need a minute to think. Then go to your room or send the child to his room so that you can calm down and regroup. This will help you get yourself under control, and it provides good modeling for your children.

3. As a method for stopping a specific misbehavior.
This can be an excellent way to put an immediate stop to a child's action. It brings a strong message, This behavior is unacceptable and it will stop now. There are several keys:

<ul type=disc>
<li>Be quick. Catch your child in the act. Delayed reactions dilute the effect.</li>
<li>Use selectively. Use for hitting, talking back, and whining, or other specific problems. Don't overuse.</li>
<li>Keep calm. Your anger only adds fuel to the fire and changes the focus from the behavior of the child to your anger. This prevents you from being in control.</li>
<li>Stick with it. Once you say, Time Out, don't back down or be talked out of it. If you decide to use Time Out to control hitting, for example, use it every time your child hits, even if he spends most of the day in Time Out! Eventually, he'll decide that it's more fun to play without hitting than to sit alone in his room.</li>
</ul>

Time Out is one more effective discipline tool for parents. When used with other positive parenting methods it helps you feel good about the job you are doing with your kids.

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By: nemesis (offline)  Thursday, April 17 2008 @ 07:59 PM CDT  
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<b>Bold Text</b>Oh yes we parents can teach ...i had same problms as u dolphin...could not control my temper...am a mother of 4...did not teach my 1st son & 2nd daughter as they are already in sec level & p6 so i leave it to the tution to do it...(did teach them too when they are in lower primary)...BUT i do teach my 3rd daughter, as she is very quiet & always keeps 2 herself i find it quite difficult 2 handle her...feel so lost at times...but manage to cope...she did well in her CA1 improved a lot...so i guess my frustrations & anger during the times teaching & coping her really worth it...thx to testpaper info as i would not b able to cope without U...*lolz* all the best to all parents teaching & all the best 2 all students...

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By: thamms (offline)  Saturday, April 26 2008 @ 08:09 AM CDT  
thamms

Yes. We can teach. But most of the time we do not differentiate between teaching and telling. Teaching is to guide the person to do it right and also to point out the right from the wrong and to show how to do something right and why the wrong is not acceptable. Sometimes we just tell them to just do it. We also need to explain why something we say he/she do is wrong as a child sometimes cannot understand why we keep harping on a supposedly small issue as perceived by him/her. He/she might think there is no issue. The other problem is his/her ability to change at the flick of a switch. To change is not easy. If he/she had been doing that all along and all of a sudden we feel that that's it - from now on, you better write as I told you, this is going to be an uphill task. For the case of the handwriting, I also faced a similar problem with my Primary 2 boy. I got a new exercise book for him just to practise his handwriting. And after some time it improve quite a lot. After that I told him, from now on if it is still not to my expectation, I will erase everything away and he need to redo it. After about 1 month, the improvement was significant. At the beginning, I even have to hand hold him just to get the strokes right and I watched him doing it. Now I felt happy that I had succeeded. And if you know you love your child, I am sure he/she would want to please you to do things right. Think about it and we also need to change our style to get things done right - by teaching and guiding. Do less on telling.

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By: rinangrn (offline)  Monday, September 22 2008 @ 09:15 AM CDT  
rinangrn

that's exactly what i've many a time done to my son (p2) and after that regretted. the problems are first i'm not very patient. My son likes to dilly dally dilly dally when doing his work & more often than not, he'll go 'aiyahhh,,, how many pages??? ' even before he starts. then when doing his work, he'll find many other things to fiddle with - his finger nails, his pencils..., & he'll drop this & that ;( i'll give him warning, but still he'll continue, then i'll get real mad & start to yell & then he'll cry,& i'll get even madder & finally nothing achieve ;( then when he goes to sleep, i'll be full of regrets ;(

now, i've specifically told him that he MUST NOT whine & if he doesn't want to get me mad, he puts in more effort in his work. sometimes, he can be quite excellent in his attitude (usually the day after a big flare up from me Wink

sometimes, i really get so frustrated & i feel like giving up on teaching him. however, i know that being the mother, i'm in the best to guide my children coz i know their strength & weakness & at the end of the day, it is me & my hubby that are responsible for them Wink

meantime, i'll remind myself to be cool stay cool Wink & if i feel that my temparature is rising, i'll quickly go do something else like watch tv, surf the net, get a drink, sweep the floor whatever i can do to defray my temper Wink

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By: timemaster (offline)  Tuesday, January 13 2009 @ 08:17 AM CST  
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yes, parents can teach their children, my twins are studying in Malaysia and i am still constantly using singa exam papers to guide them. definitely they whine and complain but in the real life out there, who will give you a break. one must work hard as a student then reap the rewards that come with good education and good job. i do my darnest best to keep my cool and i hope u did well after your post. btw, i am their father and you will be amaze at how much they appreciate your time even if sometimes you guys end up on opposite trenches. in the end they know it all bec of love!!

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